A heartfelt tale and an email exchange with the authors—woven together by themes of finding our voice, providing a caring presence, and the embodied practice of Aikido. The conversation that follows bookends a powerful chapter in our journey—one that began on the Sutra learning platform during early feedback on draft chapters of Space Is Not Empty.

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Hello Alan and Mary,

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On a more personal note, here are some of my feelings about our interactions during our Sutra process*. Although it was sometimes difficult for me to express my feedback (e.g., I had occurrences of feeling isolated, and uncertainty about how to express my doubts and questions about your work in a compassionate manner), I always appreciated your open and receptive tone toward my sometimes-challenging comments. I felt like I was trying to help you both find your authentic passionate voice for expressing the ideas in your book. And, in turn, I felt like I was finding my voice. And, in turn, I began to feel that a purpose in my life might be to help others find their voices in their lives. So, in honor of that purpose, here's a brief vignette....

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Today, after aikido training in the dojo, and after all fellow students had left our post-aikido patio chat time, "judo" Jim and I were sitting there alone. He's over 80 years old, with lots of martial arts experience. But he almost never talks during our community chat times after class. So, I wanted to explore his life with him. It wasn't a time for "Cliff's opinions". I wanted to hear why he left judo, what's drawing him to aikido, etc. Toward the end of our conversation, he shocked me with an insight about his life. He said he thought he was very quiet during the chat times after aikido classes because he grew up in a small very-Christian town where everyone went to Church on Sundays. He had lots of contrary thoughts to what was going on around him (including what the preacher had to say). So, to protect himself, he felt he needed to keep quiet, which he had apparently done most of his life. Wow. For me, it sounded like he found a voice from which he could authentically speak. I believe we had established a safe social field from which he/we could talk..... So, to circle around, thanks for encouraging our Sutra process*.

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Love, Cliff

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​*Sutra process refers to the group of 125 colleagues and friends who were invited to be be part of an online conversation about fields and who provided us feedback via Sutra on book chapters.

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Hello Cliff,

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I send you deep bows of gratitude for your email and for the touching story. My experience is that when we truly, openly, and heartfully listen to another being, his or her personal field opens, changes, and a deeper wisdom and truth comes forward to be expressed as happened with dojo Jim. This in turn creates the kind of social field you note in your email: a safe social field from which he/we could talk.

 

Blessings, Mary

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Hi Cliff,

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What a wonderful story from your Aikido class. Your sensitivity to fields was obvious to me from the beginning and this story further illustrates your desire to be a contributor to life affirming fields and a disrupter (when possible) of toxic ones.

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Your colleague’s openness to your curiosity and inquiry allowed him to speak of an inner awareness that his prior response to a repressive social field was to drop into silence. He carried that “solution” into this new more open social field. Your warm interest and direct human connection allowed him to express how this came to be. Whether or not his outer behavior changes, he now has the experience of a caring other who sees him and values him enough to ask about his experience. Such subtle “bridges” between inner and outer experience, past and present, and caring human interaction is what makes a caring social field possible.

 

Warmly, Alan

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Alan and Mary... thanks! I really like the comment:

"Whether or not his outer behavior changes, he now has the experience of a caring other who sees him and values him enough to ask about his experience."

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That expression fits perfectly with my perspective about the misguidedness of trying to change people 😊. The aikido that's closest to the source is the aikido that does not try to change the other (e.g. the attacker), but rather the nage (person who does the throw) is working on being their better self (e.g. good posture or an attitude of we-ness)... and nage is also being where they want to be (e.g. the proper distance, in a safe spot, etc.). When both of those conditions are true then there is less need for "doing" or "trying to change another." Hopefully, that attitude/behavior resonates with the other to foster a kinder, more inclusive, social field.

 

Mary, thanks for your kind reflections.

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Warmly, Cliff